“RECOVERY IS HARD. REGRET IS HARDER”
-Brittany Burgunder
I started smoking weed in my college when some of my friends encouraged me for this. I accepted it easily which is a typical teenage tendency and I thought I will use it recreationally. My initial experience was that it can make everything funny and is a super stress buster. I started off like that but later I started enjoying being high. After consuming it almost every day for years, I didn’t even realize when I get addicted to it. The reason behind consuming it every day was some hardcore stoner whom I call friend unfortunately and the misguiding promotion or embracing or spreading the propaganda of this everywhere like it was used in medications, it can make you wiser, it will increase concentration power, it is a stress buster and much more. As it is considered to be devotional herb in my culture, I straightforwardly get impressed by it and to some extent, I found that this is also a bit true. I used to feel that my thinking power has increased due to it but that was just increasing maturity due to age, in fact one can think more neutrally when he/she is in conscious condition. The truth behind this is, I was escaping my life’s problem.
Initially, it didn’t affected my physical and mental conditions but when I got used to it, uncountable problems surrounded me in a very short span of time. The most I suffered by is significant brain abnormalities. It causes my dopamine level to differ. I feel like I have nothing to do when I am off smoking because I’m so used to smoking it. I use to smoke it to get relieved from depression, but later on, it becomes the only reason for depression. I started feeling a lack of attention and motivation. Also, it shredded my social image but I was reluctant to release it. I don’t have the benefit of the family, so friends are closer and play a bigger role in my life. Cannabis affects the way of my social interaction. Instead of hanging out with friends and doing activities I used to love, I choose to get “high.”
It makes me paranoid about relationships. I become inconsistent, sadistic and distrustful and destroyed relationships with friends. In addition to the loss of old friendships, I created new relationships with other addicts, which lead to further negative activities. My friends started taunting and ignoring me. Even my neighbors warned their little kids to stay away from me.
I considered it to be my last bad habit and I can deal with anxiety, depression and all problems without quitting it. While researching I found it true that hemp is a medical herb and can be used in many ways for curing various diseases. But what we all are consuming is not that natural stuff, it is pure synthetic and local peddlers or dealers use chemicals to prepare it. No doubt it becomes a drug gateway now.
It took me 6 years to realize that this is the reason for making my life hell and pushing me in a very dark place. I really lost who I was. But it is never too late to start good things. Now it was time to get rid of this addiction which was never easy. I suffered from numerous mild to serve physical and mental changes. I found that I was not able to sleep for the whole night, unable to maintain an eating schedule which causes a prolonged health problem. For some period of time, I was unable to perform any task as my mental condition was totally unstable. Only quitting it or reducing the quantity was not sufficient to recover but I have to craft a new life where it is easier to not use and this was only possible by finding new ways to relax, escape, and reward myself. I made it possible by good self-care, stress management, balancing lifestyle, building & maintaining self-motivation, keeping myself busy and neutral in every condition. If your happiness is dependent on an external substance, it’s always a wrong situation to be in. Probably the first couple of years in recovery were tough where I struggled with not wanting to use but not being able to quit. But as time went by, it becomes easier and now I can see a much brighter and happy life ahead.
At last, I will end this with the point that, yes it is a very useful herb only when consumed in a proper way and in the limit otherwise it is as danger as a slow poison.